Spirituality traumatized me. Plz help

When I was around 16, I would meditate for 2-3 hours per day, I felt naturally drawn into it and I would see vivid colors all the time which made me feel good. I was going through terrible things in my life, but meditating and believing in something beyond my reality at the time really helped me.

Although, with time, I think I got way too into it. I once vividly dreamt of those colors and I woke up seeing purple literally physically on every surface, around my hands etc. it was just purple at first but then I started seeing other colors everywhere!! And btw no ‘HPPD’ photos match so idfk. I was sober most of the time but then I started smoking weed occasionally which made the experience more intense. My friend even once saw a blob of color on my wall while we were meditating together we were pointing at it. And BTW my dad got diagnosed with schizophrenia while I was experiencing that, he was experiencing some other trip (he saw bad spirits/ he starved himself/ substance abuse etc). He got forced into a mental hospital and they forcefully injected him with a harsh antipsychotic. When he got out, he seemed pretty stable to me just a bit off. He was meditating then told me that he saw colors in my energy field and that they were bad and he’ll remove them. I was like damn what ok (wtf is going on lmao) anyway he did right.. I moved on with life UNTIL

I deadass started seeing the colors fade and I started seeing demons (figures, shadows, vivid weird looking humans), I felt empty and dark inside, I lost all my light, my feelings of ‘euphoria’ with seeing all those colors disappeared and I became so dark, anxious, depleted destroyed. Like even my meditations there were spirits that ruined my soul and took all my energy away. I was genuinely doing terrible in life at that point.

Anyway around that time whenever I would stare at the blue sky I would see patterns like flowers moving to wherever I was looking.. so I sent alllll the dark energy to that flower in the sky. I NEVER EVER hallucinated again. NEVER saw any shadows/ demons. I became empty, confused etc (post psychosis type shit) and then yeah I had to rebuild myself and now it’s been a couple years and I’m very stable mentally now. Kind of.

But I want to meditate, I’m just scared I’ll lose my mind. I don’t want to disconnect from reality or start seeing things. How do I know if that was psychosis or spirituality because everybody says something different. And genuinely like the second part of seeing demons etc it really fucked me up back then paranoia and distorted sense on reality. Anyway!

Life is so weird man. If anyone’s had similar experiences plz share