Why can’t I get a massage? Why is it so hard to give myself permission, if I can afford it?

After a year of physical hardships (three unrelated surgeries, some infections, etc.) I deserve a relaxing massage. Spoiler: I got one. But why is it so hard for me to reconcile spending $120 on myself when my bills are paid and there’s extra money in the bank? Does the frugality mindset ever hold you back from things that can actually improve your life? As “penance” for this expenditure, I cleaned my bathroom (even the walls and ceilings, which were very dusty).